i against i

But those who still reject me are like the restless sea,
      which is never still
      but continually churns up mud and dirt - isaiah 57:20


one of the more frustrating things in (my) life is dealing with "the sin that so easily entangles" as (i) we try to live the life that Christ has called (me) us to live. it's by no accident that we struggle with the things we struggle with. i agree wholeheartedly with john eldredge who brings to light that the things we struggle with are the things that the tempter has been pounding us with since we were children; he sees an opportunity for weakness, and he exploits it while we're young. this thought hit me all at once as i could easily trace back to my younger years the moments when those things with which i wrestle began to enter my mind.


so the bigger question is "what do we do about it?" in our generation, it is harder to overcome these sins. i believe that completely. why? because we want that instant "getification". fast food chains thrive, our freezers are filled with microwavable foods (we even have premade pb&j sandwiches!).. there are so many things to list that back this up, but i'll just stop there. so why does this make overcoming sin that much harder? we become so consumed with the end result that we get frustrated with the process. the process isn't an overnight thing. it's the way of transformation, and it takes time. so with our minds consumed with instant results, we give up on the things that take time. 


in the book celebration of discipline, author richard foster says in conclusion to the verse above that "the sea does not need to do anything special to produce [mud] and dirt; that is the result of its natural motions. this is also true of us when we are under the condition of sin. the natural motions of our lives produce [mud] and dirt. sin is a part of the internal structure of our lives. no special effort is needed to produce it. no wonder we feel trapped."


wow! such a simple thought, yet a lot of us never can lay it out quite like that. this makes it so much easier to identify with paul when he talks about being a slave to sin. foster goes on to talk about our fight against this lifestyle, and says "we determine to never do (whatever your sin may be) again; we pray against it, fight against it, set our will against it. but the struggle is all in vain, and we find ourselves once again morally bankrupt... heini arnold writes, 'we... want to make it quite clear that we cannot free and purify our own heart by exerting our own will.'"


this is where we become our own worst enemies. we try to fight this battle ourselves, and we trust in our own will. 


i'm going to hit you with 3 quotes here, so stay with me.. foster concludes that "willpower will never succeed in dealing with the deeply ingrained habits of sin." emmet fox writes "as soon as you resist mentally any undesirable or unwanted circumstance, you thereby endow it with more power--power which it will use against you, and you will have depleted your own resources to that exact extent." and finally, heini arnold concludes "as long as we think we can save ourselves by our own will power, we will only make the evil in us stronger than ever." how true are these words? if you've ever wrestled with sin as you try to live a life honoring God, you know the power and truth of these words. 


so how do we defend ourselves? we live a life of discipline; we stop fighting alone; we drop the fear or reaction, rejection, and judgement; we confess our sins and seek accountability. we see this process the way that foster sees it: the doorway to liberation. we have to be patient, we have to be willing to try, to change, we have to be willing to seek God in new ways, and we have to be willing to be transparent. accept responsibility and invite change. God does great things through broken people. 


so may you patiently seek and live the process. may you stop relying on your will and fighting against yourself. may you live a life of spiritual discipline. may God bless you and do great things through you. 


sources:
celebration of discipline - richard j foster
freedom from sinful thoughts:Christ alone breaks the curse - heini arnold
the sermon on the mount - emmet fox